Limbo

On Monday, we find out again that Trish is not pregnant. Which is tough, as always. Yesterday we put an offer on the house, but it looks like we are not going to reach an agreement (nothing certain yet, but it looks that way). And throughout the week I have been unable to get in contact with anyone to whom I have sent the Duo pitch to get a status update.

So all three major areas of my life - family, home, career - the answer is not yet; wait some more. Which is fine, except that it's not. It's really not. How? When? And most especially why? I know there will be no answers to these and that makes it all the worse.

And as Trish and I were sitting in the car in front of Todd's house last night, on a conference call with Tom and Kathryn to talk negotiating strategy, all of the waiting and the stress and the tension came crashing in and for a moment I wanted to give it all up - baby making, house hunting, producing. Screw it all.

Fortunately, we went inside and started working on the Ordinary Angels series with Todd. Todd is very good for both of us in those moments, probably because he has been through so much himself. His calm support and, more importantly, the burst of creativity were just what I needed. (And not to brag, or nothin', but man, this show is going to be sweeeeet!) The irony of working on a show where a major tension is no one getting to see "The Plan" was pretty thick, of course, but very helpful. We were even able to brainstorm new avenues for the Duo pitch.

So with a new found confidence we were able to decide on a plan for the house buying and find an emotional place where we are fine with walking away and looking at even more homes. As for baby stuff, well that is still pretty damn hard. In fact, it gets harder every month. And I don't have an answer for that, not yet. But I don't want to give up and I do still believe we will have a child. For now I guess I will keep trying to work my way out of limbo.