"Long time quiet"

I know it has been a long time since the last post, so this is going to be a long 'un to get you up to speed.

So I mentioned that we did not reach an agreement with the owners of the house we wanted to buy. Coming right after finding out Trish was not pregnant again was tough. Tougher than it seemed at first. And both of us were fighting a certain listlessness.

For me it was centered around the idea that I was going nowhere, fast. In 2006 I set aside acting to take a full time job and give us some more stability while we tried to have a baby. Sure I started producing at that point to keep creative, but acting was/is a much more visceral creative experience and, honestly, more fun. Over two years later, and here I am with no child, working in a job I do not particularly like, production work not moving forward at all, and having given up something I loved doing. I mean I get that being a parent involves sacrifice, so it was something I was willing to do, but to have nothing to show for it? It pissed me off.

Unfortunately, all of this was not crystal clear in the moment. So I was pretty mopey and blue and not much fun to hang around and the problems simmered in the background. It started to come to a boil last Saturday. And that caused its own set of problems.

Over the course of our struggle to conceive Trish and I have worked very hard to keep our relationship strong and not let the frustrations and hurt from the infertility spill between her and me. Well, Saturday we did not do so well there. Without going into details, each time one of us has had a major flare up around infertility issues, the other has been able to put aside their own hurt and anger and offer some support and comfort. Saturday was the first time we both needed that at the same time and could not help the other, which turned into some serious hurt feelings which turned into a pretty lengthy fight. Yes, we worked through it. (Unfortunately, not before an emotional Loyd family dinner that night, which I will get into in a minute.) And yes, we are doing better now.

What comes next we do not know. We had decided to take this month off of active attempts (charting, temperatures, timing, etc.), figuring the stress of the house hunt would probably get in the way anyway. Whether we take a longer time off, proceed to IUI, keep trying the old fashioned way or something else, we just don't know yet. We are trying not to place pressure on the decision and working on ways to prevent a repeat of Saturday. It's just gets tough some times when you have this kind of desire, but we will figure it out.

As I mentioned the festivities on Saturday were complicated by a trip down to Auburn for a farewell dinner for Trish's brother, Chris. Chris joined the National Guard last year and is now shipping out to Iraq, so it was our last chance to see him for more than a year. We joined Chris and his wife and son, Trish's parents, Chris's biological dad and his wife and their son and daughter. Trish's other brother Robert and his family could not make it and their absence was hard. The evening went fine but there was a strong undercurrent of emotion (more than the lingering anger between Trish and me) as everyone was trying not to think about worst case scenarios.

Chris was in the Army before I met the Loyds. Since I have known him, though, he has kicked around from job to job and never seemed very satisfied. Joining the Guard has changed that. He is happier and more confident that I have ever known him. The military is definitely his element and I wish him all the best in it. First things first, though; he has to come home safe.

The good news on that front is that while he shipped out last Wednesday, he will not arrive in Iraq for about 3 months. First, he will be in Wisconsin for 52 days as his unit is brought up to full strength. Then there will be 2-4 weeks in Kuwait for additional training and acclimatization. At that point, he will be sent to Camp Anaconda at Balad Air Base, outside of Baghdad. He will be escorting convoys.

Hopefully, by the time he arrives, recent security gains will solidify. Especially, if Bush setting a timetable for withdrawal helps reduce some of the anti-American sentiment. Keep your head down and your eyes peeled, brother. And come home safe.

Then there was house hunting stuff. We had looked at quite a few more places after ending the offer and almost every place gave use a resounding feeling of "meh." Both of us were getting very tired of looking (and I was very tired of people telling me how exciting it must be, because it was not exciting at all; it was tedious and exhausting and disappointing) and starting to think that this special feeling others have talked about when they walked into the right place was not going to happen for us. We were wrong.

As soon as we walked into this house, we were both giddy. Second and third looks only reinforced it. It is farther away from the center of town than the other, but that is the only drawback in comparison. (And this place will be close to Gary which is a big plus.) DJ, our realtor whom I would recommend to anyone in the Seattle area in a heartbeat, is presenting our offer this evening. After the last round, we know not to take anything for granted, but we have hopes, high hopes, high apple pie in the sky... aahhh, sorry about that. Cheesy songs just fall out of me when I get giddy over something.

In the meantime, I have asked a friend to be a producing partner for me with The Ties like I am for Todd with Duo: A Geek Tragedy. She is thinking it over, but I am half expecting her to say no, just because of all of the stuff going on in her life right now. (Anyone who wants to help produce, please contact the author as soon as possible with resume and three references.) Once Todd is back from vacation (and it is a little surprising how much we missed Todd and Raechelle this last week), he and I will be meeting with contacts of his to see if we can't push Duo a little farther down the financing road. And he, Trish and I will work more on Ordinary Angels, too. And the writing is fun.

And who knows, maybe securing this house will be the first domino that starts a chain reaction. If not... Well, if not, I don't know. I guess I deal with those disappointments if they come to pass. In the meantime, I have hopes. You might even say high hopes, but that would lead us back someplace cheesy, so let's not say that.