The Best of the Worst

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is named after Edward Bulwer-Lytton who wrote the opening line "It was a dark and stormy night...." (Turns out he also gave us the phrases "the pen is mightier than the sword," and "the almighty dollar" but he is remembered for a lousy opening line. Talk about no respect.) The idea behind the contest is to intentionally create the worst opening lines possible. The 2009 winners have been announced and there are some doozies. Some of my favorite results...

The runner up:

The wind dry-shaved the cracked earth like a dull razor--the double edge kind from the plastic bag that you shouldn't use more than twice, but you do; but Trevor Earp had to face it as he started the second morning of his hopeless search for Drover, the Irish Wolfhound he had found as a pup near death from a fight with a prairie dog and nursed back to health, stolen by a traveling circus so that the monkey would have something to ride.

The winner for the detective category:

She walked into my office on legs as long as one of those long-legged birds that you see in Florida - the pink ones, not the white ones - except that she was standing on both of them, not just one of them, like those birds, the pink ones, and she wasn't wearing pink, but I knew right away that she was trouble, which those birds usually aren't.

And the winner in the purple prose category:

The gutters of Manhattan teemed with the brackish slurry indicative of a significant though not incapacitating snowstorm three days prior, making it seem that God had tripped over Hoboken and spilled his smog-flavored slurpie all over the damn place.

New classics all.

Movement

Trish had an Ob appointment yesterday and there were all sorts of goodies. First it appears our home calculated due date has been revised and the official due date is Feb. 6th (we had figured the 8th).

Also, they conducted another ultrasound, and we are starting to see more of a baby. It has more than doubled in size, but is still only 2 centimeters long. Little Tigger has a head (upper right pointing towards the top right corner), a torso and hands and feet, though arms and legs have yet to develop. The best we can figure from the fuzzy picture (and I have scanned these as high resolution as I can; sorry they are not better quality) is that the baby is facing you as you look at the picture. Trish said that the baby was moving around a lot, and even waving one hand.

Apparently, here in week 8 of development:

Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his
brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways.

This just fascinates me, beyond the fact that it is my child. It amazes me to think that we all started like this, no bigger than a kidney bean and yet developing neural pathways that will form the basis for our thoughts, memories and everything else for the rest of our lives.

Anyway, we won't have another ultrasound for another 10 to 12 weeks, which will be the gender revealing ultrasound. (Yes, we do want to know.) In the meantime, the doc says everything about Trish and Tigger seems right on target. Trish is getting pretty tired of the nausea and the hunger and the fatigue, but is hopeful they will be ending in the near future. Fingers crossed.

And speaking of geeks

If you haven't seen this yet, at the Radio and Television Correspondents dinner this weekend, John Hodgman gave a keynote address gauging whether President Obama is a jock or a nerd.



A couple of quick points: A) I love the fact that Obama was a comic book fan as a kid, but Conan? Really? B) I think Hodgman is making an excellent point in differentiating the jock/nerd issue as certainty/uncertainty and how that mirrors the conservative/liberal divide. I love it when comedians can slip in sharp, intelligent social commentary and still make it funny. C) I know, I know, he separates nerds and geeks so my title is not very accurate but it plays off my previous post, so deal with it, you nerd.

And is it just me, or does Hodgman remind you of Bob Newhart if he did political satire?

Astronomy geek out moment

Amazing footage from an orbiter that the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA) deliberately crashed into the moon.



Apparently it was moving at an estimated 3,728 miles per hour when it struck the moon. An explanation from the press release:

The series of continued [still] shots was taken with an interval of about one minute by the HDTV (Teltephoto) while the KAGUYA was maneuvered to decrease its altitude toward the impact position (around GILL crater.) We can see the approaching Moon surface as the KAGUYA went closer to it. After the final image, the KAGUYA moved into the shaded area to make its final landing, thus it was pitch dark while taking an image. This is the very final image shooting of the Moon by the KAGUYA HDTV.

You can enjoy images taken by the KAGUYA HDTV through JAXA Digital Archives, the KAGUYA Image Gallery, and the JAXA channel on YouTube.

The YouTube channel is in Japanese, but the other two links have English titles for easier navigation. OK, that's it. You can go back to whatever non-geeky thing you were doing.

Notes from a First Father's Day

A few points to mention from my first Father's Day:

• Trish was kind enough to take the dog on its 5:30 a.m. walk so I could get a little extra sleep, but she might have pushed it too hard as she ended up with her worst day of morning sickness yet;
• We had to ensure the dog is over her bout of diarrhea and convince her that the bland rice and chicken we were feeding was good and good for her;
• We enjoyed brunch with my whole family celebrating the day and my brother Tom's birthday and loving the time with my one year old nephew without the "will that ever be us someday" filter;
• The first two Father's Day cards I ever received were both Homer Simpson cards and I am wondering if that is some kind of sign - or hint;
• Went to the Mariner's game with my Dad and realized - again - how much I like spending time with him and hoping like hell enough of his dad skills have rubbed off on me or else the next 30 - 50 years are going to be very rocky;
• Then out to dinner with Dad, Mom and a revitalized Trish, just enjoying the family time;
• And finally, I was left wondering why isn't Father's Day a three day weekend.

Sporcle

Some friends introduced me to Sporcle, an extremely addicting quiz website. (I'd say trivia site, but a number of the quizzes shouldn't be considered trivia.) It quickly became a visit every day site. I never mentioned it before because a) the writer's block and b) it was pretty embarrassing that I barely cracked 50% on Countries of the World, yet could get 100% of Name the Network; or that my score on the U.S. Presidents would belie the fact that I ever took advanced placement U.S. History, but I only missed 2 out of 63 on The Simpsons.

Apparently, I am pretty late to the party as the site is very popular. It got a great write up in the Boston Globe, and lo and behold I learn that I know the two founders, Matt and Derek. I used to work with them at Adobe. (I used to play soccer with Matt and throw food at Derek.)

Knowing that, I have to visit the site every day, not just because it is good (and good for you), but because I must support anyone who is crazy enough to quit good, stable day jobs and pursue a wild idea. And you should, too.

The most amazing sight ever

People at work are laughing at me because I am so excited over a fuzzy picture of an oblong that is .74 centimeters long. I keep telling them that the still picture doesn't do it justice. You have to see the live version so you can see the heart beating a mile a minute.

Or maybe it is only because the little .74 centimeter fuzzy oblong is my unborn child. And seeing the heartbeat of my unborn child is truly amazing no matter what the little oblong looks like.

Trish is due Feb. 8th. She is tired, nauseous, excited and giddy. And beautiful. The nurse today said everything looks perfect - the heart rate, the size, the yolk sack. (That's the circle at the very center; it supports the fetus until the placenta is fully formed. The oblong to the left is the fetus.)

At a later date, I will probably give more details on what happened, how we found out, lessons learned from the struggles, and all the rest. But for right now I am just going to revel in the fuzzy little oblong.

I'm going to be a father. How cool is that?