Once again,

what Trish said.

The thing about this (the elevated status of our conception struggles) is that it did not start out this way. Three years ago, when we first started trying, it did not change much of anything. I went and found a new job; Trish finished physical therapy for her wrist; we kept on pushing to create new film projects; we hung out with friends, went out to dinner and movies and generally just enjoyed our lives.

It was only as our efforts kept failing, that it started to grow in importance. And even then, it was in good ways at first. We ate more healthy foods, started buying organic products, etc. But more and more in crept into our lives in ways we did not expect and started taking up huge amounts of time, energy and money. Our social life dwindled rapidly, mostly because we were both so damn tried all of the time; creativity (at least for me) has fled; and grief would sneak up and grab us when we least expected it.

So vacation was great not just to get away from work and the weather, but to get out from under all of this, as well. But it was not long enough, so we are going to take a break this month as well. After that, maybe we will want to get back into it, maybe we will want to take a longer break, who knows. The whole point of the break is that we do not have to figure anything out during it. And we can re-discover the lives we had unwittingly set aside.